It's a mixed feeling!

In memories of my great grandmother..we miss u..a lot. Al-Fatihah.

Syukur Alhamdulillah..

I'm officially not a medical student anymore.

Should I be happy? Or should I be afraid of the world out there?

Should I be sad being separated from my colleagues?

Should I be anxious..well, being a houseman isn't THAT easy..

For God sake, people do commit suicide due to THAT. ergh, scary.

Please God, let all my specialist be as kind and good in teaching and guide me to become a better doctor in future...amin...

But, whatever it is, I'm bless with all the support I got from my beloved parents..

If they are not here to support and pray for my success, I won't be Dr. Zahraa.

For all the encouraging words when I feel like quiting my studies..

For all the hard works to pay my tuition fees..

For EVERYTHING lah! :)

To my grandparents..

Nenek & Atok - Thank u for taking care of me through my first 3 years of life.

You fed me well! :)

Embah - Been there for me every single step..thank u so much.. :)

I'm thankful to my brothers help..if they aren't home, I won't be able to practise all my physical examination. Thanks bro kasi pinjam your 6 packs! haha. (haa..kembang semangkuk la budak2 ni)

Thanks to my colleagues, who's been there to help me through my studies, Haz & KI & Kak Paa.

They've been my discussion colleagues since Pro-2 exam pun lagi..hehe..

Mereka-reka all sort of crazy mnemonics to memorized..(last2 tak ingat jugak)

For being kind to me, belanja makan (hang habak ja menda apa yg za xmkn lg).

For giving me advice on every single thing..being there when I feel like fail-ing.

I pray that both of you (Haz & Ki) to be married couple SOON! AMIN....

As for you, Kak Paa, of course you'll be married to Shah SOON jugak!

As for my other colleagues;

Abe - :)

Nawal - Thanks gurl.. for everything!!!! muash!!

Kak Sarah - stay a hot singer oke? hehe..

Alin - bile nak karok bawak lagu Beyonce ni beb? hehehe..

Wani - sila lupakan abang bertuala sbelah rumah tu. :P

Kak Lin - lepas ni takleh peluk za ke bila za sedih? huhu..

and to all my friends who supported me through this WAR-ship..5 years of it..so hard.. :')

but we made it colleagues..we made it..!

and not forgotten...

yes...thanks to you... :)

Motivating myself

Feel so so so so so tired..haih..

Nevermind Zara..just a few days to go dear..u have to stay strong dear..

Show to others that you can do it..come on!!

Before whatever happens tomorrow, lets listen to Bruno Mars.

This song has nothing to do with anyone in my life..just a great voice to listen to.

Okey, I need to sleep early tonight..as a preparation for the next 'war' tomorrow.

Thanks to those people that has been supporting me all this while especially throughout these exam weeks. Right...pen off! :)

Lub Dub~ Lub Dub~

Dear Allah, please guide us in this 'war' and let us win with victory.

Make us calm for this last preparation God.

Prepare us physically and mentally.

Bless our knowledge through out this 5 years of training.

May all the examiners have a clear mind and heart during this clinical examination.

And Allah, please pass us with flying colours!

Make us the safest doctor soon..

Bismillahitawakaltuallallah

ECG~!!!!

I'm starting to experience episodes of hypersomnia and hyperphagia!

Lets revise ECG with my batch mate, Victor!

My cortisol level is increasing! Stress!!!!

Buenas noches!

Buenos dias.

Como estas? Que tal?

Me llamo Zara.

Como te llamas?

Encantado.

Hasta luego.

Adios!

Translation;

"Hello!

How are you? How's it going?

My name is Zara.

What's your name?

Nice to meet you.

See you later!

Goodbye.."

How's my Spanish? Not bad aite? hehe.. Baby steps.. :)

My heart is like a loudspeaker

"Sometimes all it takes is one voice".

Sometimes when my lecturers or supervisor scolded me,

I feel de-motivated.

But, I tried the best to control my fears,

and improve whats' left of me.

I learn to pick myself up,

when there's no one around.

Continue what I've started,

and keep smiling at them.

I tried hard to show them that I'm good enough.

And I'm capable enough to be a great doctor.

Cause nothing is worst than 'giving-up'.

Especially when the success that you dream of is just a feet away.

Hating May 2011

Final exam makin dekat. Saya risau. Takut jugak. Boleh ke jadi doctor ni? Konon dah berjanji pada diri sendiri taknak mengadu, tapi terlepas cakap pulak ni. haih.

Plan Change..So Do Our Lifes

Is it a crime to eat alone? No. Is it a crime to watch movie alone? No. Is it a crime to stare people like..freaking creepy way? YES. Is it a crime to disturb a girl who is driving alone? YES. I might involve in accident you creepy busuk guys. [not you. its them.] Owh I wish I could learn karate or kungfu or whatever you call the sepak-sepak, cucuk mata people thingy. Professionally uncool okey guys buat camtu! Please la. Behave! Ops sorry membebel sikit. Tak tau nak membebel kat mana dah. haha.

We have just been informed by our beloved lecturer than maybe our Professional 3 which is the absolute FINALE will be postponed to 20th June 2011. And everything will end on 1st July 2011. Scary okay! The sound of it pun boleh buat kaki menggigil right? hehe.. Anyway, after that BIG day comes my last but not least 3 months of holiday! huahahahahaha~ Initially, I had a plan. You see, one of it is my engagement. huhu. But, it turns out that plan is just a plan.

Source: Danielzain [my future wedding photographer!! Love his work!]

Now, what would I do with my green wedding-like dress?? Should I wear it during convocation? Nope, that's too much! haha. Please. I won't embarrassed myself in front of all the great people there. Haha. So, I change my 3 month plans to work with my mother in her clinic. Brush up my skills and knowledge before my real internship in Hosp dot-dot-dot. Hopefully, it does prepare me for the worst case scenario.

As for tonight [Saturday night fever], I would of course spend my free time exclusively with Chuck Bartowski [cute, handsome, tall, funny, exciting and of course hate guns]. Sekarang dah Season 4 okeh! You better watch it girls. Recommended! hehe.

Okay for now..I'm Sidereel-ling~! Come and join me [if you can]. hehe.

I choose..................................

Salam! Hello girls..How are you?

Hope you're fine. I'm ..... fine. [as usual]

So, I almost finish my second week in O&G posting..huhu..

When will I conduct delivery????!!!!!!!! Tak dapat2 lagi ni..ish ish ish..

Anyway, tadi ada kes keguguran, so kuar baby like.....kecik gile!

1/3 dari tangan za..tapi dah cukup sifat. Kesian sungguh.

Okay, straight to the point..tadi dapat list hospital yang saya boleh pilih untuk kerja nanti..

HOSPITAL / TEMPAT:

1. HOSP. TUNKU FAUZIAH, KANGAR

2. HOSP. SULTANAH BAHIYAH, ALOR SETAR

3. HOSP. SULTAN ABDUL HALIM, SUNGAI PETANI

4. HOSP. KULIM, KEDAH

5. HOSP. PULAU PINANG

6. HOSP. SEBERANG JAYA

7. HOSP. TAIPING, PERAK

8. HOSP. IPOH

9. HOSP. TELUK INTAN

10. HOSP. SERI MANJUNG, PERAK

11. * HOSP. KUALA LUMPUR

12. * HOSP. TENGKU AMPUAN RAHIMAH, KLANG

13. * HOSP. SELAYANG, SELANGOR

14. * HOSP. KAJANG, SELANGOR

15. * HOSP. SERDANG, SELANGOR

16. * HOSP. AMPANG, SELANGOR

17. * HOSP. SUNGAI BULOH, SELANGOR

18. HOSP. TUANKU JAA’FAR, SEREMBAN

19. HOSP. TUANKU AMPUAN NAJIHAH, KUALA PILAH

20. HOSP. MELAKA

21. HOSP. PAKAR SULTANAH FATIMAH, MUAR

22. HOSP. SULTANAH AMINAH, JOHOR BAHRU

23. HOSP. BATU PAHAT, JOHOR

24. HOSP. SULTAN ISMAIL, JOHOR

25. HOSP. TENGKU AMPUAN AFZAN, KUANTAN

26. HOSP. SULTAN HAJI AHMAD SHAH. TEMERLOH

27. HOSP. SULTANAH NUR ZAHIRAH, KUALA TERENGGANU

28. HOSP. RAJA PEREMPUAN ZAINAB II, KB

29. HOSP. UMUM SARAWAK, KUCHING

30. HOSP. SIBU, SARAWAK

31. HOSP. MIRI, SARAWAK

32. HOSP. QUEEN ELIZABETH, KOTA KINABALU

33. HOSP. TAWAU, SABAH

34. HOSP. DUCHESS OF KENT, SANDAKAN, SABAH

35. * PUSAT PERUBATAN UNIVERSITI KEBANGSAAN MALAYSIA(HUKM)

36. * PUSAT PERUBATAN UNIVERSITI MALAYA (PPUM)

37. * HOSP. UNIV. SAINS MALAYSIA (HUSM)

38. * HOSP. PUTRAJAYA

39. HOSP. KEMAMAN, TERENGGANU

So, rasa-rasanya Za akan pilih yang mana?

Kene sertakan alasan ye. Yang bertanda bintang tu, agak susah sket. [according to borang tuh, sape2 yg duduk berhampiran tempat2 demikian haruslah mintak luar negeri itu]

SAYA TAKKAN PILIH KEDAH. haha. tak kelakar ok. [No offense Nawal]

Sbb sgt tak teror slang derang. Jauh. And anti sket.

Saya takkan pilih Kuantan. haha. Sbb nanti Asyeha asek mintak M.C. jerrr.

Ayah tak bagi pilih T'ganu or Klate. Anti apa ntah Ayah tu. Klate cam tak suka org Jawa [kata Abe].

Ayah tak bagi jugak pilih Sabah & Sarawak coz takut Za kawen ngan org sana. [duhhh~]

And, takut susah nak balik Semenanjung.

Saya takmo pilih Seremban coz Prof L cakap treatment derang tak betul. haha.

Melaka sgt panas, takmo. And takde relative.

So, possibly mau pilih Perak sebab banyak relative sana.

Johor....................nothing there.

erm...am I missing something here?

Aih...nak letak alasan apa ni?

Tapi, yang pasti dah naik taraf Medical Officer nanti, I pilih KK Hulu Langat.

Back to where Ibu starts her dream!

Malam Layan Jiwa

It's my 11th Anniversary with friends from Semesta [batch extremers 2004].

huahuahuahuahua!!

giler lama kan friendship kitorang kan?

teror kan? haha. sayang derang!!!

erm tapi pikir2 macam cepat tol masa berlalu..aih..

makin tua..

tengok ramai dah kerja sume.. aku ni?

haha..takpe, 4 bulan jerrrr lagi! chaiyokkkk!!

erm..teringat zaman skolah yang best tuh..tergelak2 sendiri.

rindu pun ada, benci pun ada, sayang pun ada, menyampah pun ada

hahaha malas nak cakap banyak, pokoknye rindu weyh~

serious talk

tapi kalau disuruh ulang balik zaman tuh, sah2 la gua taknak kan?

haha..gilo nak jumpa cikgu yang jaga aspuri garang gile tuh lagi?

tak mampu den nak ketuk ketampi beratus2 kali lagi malam2 buta kat tengah2 court volleyball tu lagi.. tak mampu dah.. kaki dah tua.. haha

so, bagi tidak mahu melayan perasaan rindu & sedih ni, saye nak bawak diri dulu ye malam ni..

nak tidur dengan Ehsan~ yeayyy!

Owh, ni gambar terbaru Ehsan yang makin besar & comel & berstokin pink!

**me, ibu dina, ehsan**

Off to Ehsans'! chow~

eh....Assalamualaikum......

1st day in school

I remembered my first day in kindergarden, punya tak nak pergi skolah, sanggup mengangis giler2, Ibu dok tarik tangan kaki masuk kereta tapi tak berjaya. haha. I grab an opportunity when the car door was still opened and run as fast as I can. Really. That's me. haha.

My first day in primary school goes well because the school gave us free ice cream! haha. That was when I entered a Chinese Primary school in Hulu Langat. First day in standard 4 at SK Raja Muda Shah Alam was awesome! Cause my friends are so cool! haha.

My first day in secondary boarding school, i cried. ops. But seriously, I cried my heart out before I felt asleep. Second day, I got a forehead goodnight kiss from my so-called 'kakak angkat'. Sweet kan? haha.

My first day in Matriculation in Londang, I miss my boyfriend. haha. Ditinggalkan kerana melanjutkan pelajaran di perantauan. auuuwww. By second day, I was laughing like mad cause my new friends are 'crazier' than I thought. haha. Owh, miss 'em!

My first day in Cyberjaya university, I wonder when will this 5 year course end?

My first day in my last semester [like finally being the most senior in the university], I prefer to stay in school rather than working. haha. Initially, I was a little down when I saw the grouping list. My geng dah berpecah belah kot. Tak pernah nak dapat segroup dengan si Nawal sengal tu. So, I thought, "memang ditakdirkan bersendirian dari dulu kot aku ni". But, I rethink and I thought that maybe God choose the best group for me. Maybe I wasn't meant to be in other group because it will be a disaster for me. Allah knows the best kan? And so, I redha. Walaupun dari 9 orang rumah I ni, I sorang je dalam group tu. Like...I'll be waking up alone, driving alone, going to hospital alone, oncall alone.......~ I'm a lone ranger! haha. I even go shopping alone nowadays. Pretty stressful life is it? But, fikir2 balikla, I may be the one that can adapt myself in any situation after this because you see, once we became houseman, we are all alone in a hospital somewhere over the rainbow. So, I better get used to this.

..But, whatever it is, out of 20 poeple per group, I still have : KAK PAA yang best, ABE yang protective, NADDY yang baik, KAK SARAH yang cool, and ZAHIR yang comel, in my group, so takla janggal sangat kan? hehe..

InsyaAllah I can make it through this 4 months!

***Important dates:***

1) Mid semester break; 14/3/2011 - 20/3/2011

2) Finishing school module; 16/4/2011 - 17/4/2011

3) 3rd PROFESSIONAL EXAM aka FINALE; 31/5/2011 - 10/6/2011

a BEGINNING

.. Syukur Alhamdullilah ..

I've pass my Professional 2 exam.

*happy tears*

So speechless that I couldn't talk.

The minute Prof said "You're half doctors", I burst to tears.

Thank you God.

Listening to the happy voice of Ibu and Ayah are enough to make me feel so blessed.

Some of you don't know why is it such a big deal to pass this exam.

It's our final written exam.

No more papers after this.

Just......REAL patients!

Trust me, being a medical student, it's triple double tough.

It's either you live and survive or you die.

Or your patients life.

Choose one.

However, this is not the end. This is just the beginning.

Semester 10 will be harder than I thought because we'll be living in the hospitals just like the houseman.

Difference between us is that, they get paid.

So, I'm off for 2 weeks holiday.

Will start a new life at my new house.

.. Salam ..

My Day Today

This is so hard.

Hari berganti hari, soalan semakin susah.

*teary eyes*

Will I pass?

Tuhan, kuatkan semangatku..

Please don't make me stop fighting.

Walau menggigil mana pun tangan ni.

By the end of my 3rd paper today, I was just so exhausted.

I did the best I can.

But I still wonder, will that be enough?

Am I good enough to be a good doctor?

.................

............

.....

..

when I feel like 'falling down' and 'scared', someone remind me,

"Kalau takut, jangan sebut tentang perjuangan.."

So, I never stop trying.

Even how rough the road would be.

Please lend me your strength for another 2 days of exam.

Thank you..

Last Preparation

"Salam dear Ayah and Ibu,

Tomorrow will be a big day for me!

[and a week onwards]

I'm still preparing myself for this war with notes and zikrullah.

But, I know to complete it, I need both of your blessing and prayers..

Especially a mothers' prayer :)

Za mintak ampun banyak2 since anak perempuan ayah ni degil sket!

..hehe..

Halalkan makan minum sume walopun asek kene sound makan sikit je.

Fine ayah, Za tak makan sarapan lagi ni.

[See, i know whats in your mind daddy!]

and ive ate the medications Ibu..

[Cume, semalam terlupa je :P]

..hehe..

So, wish me luck!

Love both of you double triple much!!

Hugs & kisses!!

Muahhhxxx!!!"

*Message Send*

Tuhan Kuatkan Hatiku

*tengah pening belajar pasal stroke! owh ye, tuh baju masa form 3 haha muat lagi?*

sayu sikit malam ni..

ditiup angin yg sejuk membeku, angan-angan lagi..

ni adalah simtom 'cuak-exam' ye..

perasaan bercampur-aduk

terima kasih kepada yang sanggup menyokong diri ini

walau jauh mana pun..

tetap tak penah putus bagi kata-kata semangat

*yeahhh aja aja fighting!*

so, di kesempatan ini, za nak mintak ampun, maaf, atas segala salah silap sepanjang hidup ni.

ada terkasar bahasa, tersilap kata, terguris hati..

kadang-kadang za tak sengaja, tapi tak perasan pulak kan?

*sob..sob..banyak betul la dosa aku ni*

ZERO-ZERO okey?

Boleh kan?? diskaun skekkk~

plz plz plz..mintak sangat-sangat doa pihak anda untuk diri kecil ini..

supaya dapat melepasi sem 9 dengan cemerlang dalam pro-2 ni..

I wanted so much to face each and everyone of you out there, minta maaf and peluk cium [perempuan je ye]

..hehe..

*teary eyes*

[mungkin sebab kepenatan, emosi berteraburan sikit]

anyway, plz vote me to pass this exam via your prayers okay?

takyah, taip "ON PASS" to ###### pun, just say it.

..hehe..

*muka cuak!!! sgt2!!! tak tipu ni*

Thank you again and again and again!!!!

hugs and kisses!

muahhhhhxxx!!

Exam Fever 10000x!!

tup tup..

tiba-tiba, "MOCK exam petang ni pukul 2.30pm"

yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

*Buya??!!!!!*

Padahal pukul 7.30am dah ada kat kolej nak start diskusi.

hah, menggelabah gua!

hoh, tolongla jangan bagi kejutan luar dugaan macam ni lagi bole tak?

kalau kejutan dapat cincin berlian, takpe :P ..haha..

seriously, tak bersedia mental physical lagi nak tengok sebarang kertas exam.

tak kira la ori ke tak ori ke, I tak nak tengok lagi sebelum this Friday boleh tak?

(-__-")

panic attack!

tengah2 group discussion tadi pun kaki non-stop bergerak, cuak punya pasal!

lepas solat Zohor, cepat2 la berkejaran ke exam hall yang boleh buat orang beku *HYPOTHERMIA tuh*

[ada tak mana-mana staff kolej yang baca blog I ni? Bagi hint naikkan temperature kolej ni.]

Dahla sesuka hati sesedap rasa semanis kata kolej suruh I bayar lagi, padahal dah berzaman tok kaduk dah siap bayar! *panas tol jiwa ni*

Masa tuh laaaaa semua nak datang, sakit perut la, pening kepala la, loya la, nak terkencing la, terberak la, aaaahhhhhhh serabutla body!

So, buat jela exam tu, sehodoh mana pun jawapannya kan..

sekali keluar Typhoid Fever la pulak kan? Perlu ke keluar mende yang I tak sempat nak baca lagi?

*Nasibla mock exam jer, kalau tak dah lama bakar kertas tu*

Tapi, Prof cakap, apa yang keluar dalam mock takkan keluar untuk exam jumaat nanti.

CUNNNNN~~ exclude typhoid dari soalan spot kitorang!

hahahaha, kurang sikit beban membaca.. hahahaha [Thanks Prof!]

*Ratu Kebaya berkabung lepas mock exam*

hoh PANIC PANIC PANIC~!!

Tak nak masuk exam boleh tak?

I pura-pura pengsan jer?

:P

My BF Singing :P

Counting the days........owh wait........FIVE days LEFT to the big day!

okay, I'm panic!

There's sooooooo many things I still don't study.

Still have a lot of reading to do!

*serabutnya jiwa*

We've been preparing like from terbitnya matahari-terbenamnya matahari everyday!

Be back home late, speaking of late, I've been sleeping early [like earlier than I used to].

:P

Is it enough? Is it???

The more I read, the more I don't know.

God, just please stop my heart from this tantrum of palpitations.

To calm myself down, I either eat a lot or listen to my boyfriend [see, I'm halfway crazy!] singing...........

[Seriously, I love this song!]

*Asma Allah by Sami Yusuf *

I once berangan konon2 masa kahwin nanti, nak masuk dewan sambil lagu ni berkumandang, sambil pegang tangan my hubby [in my white dress of course] walking while staring at each other [pandangan we-were-meant-for-each-other-kan-bang?] , smiling and everyone will stare at us [budget macam angels laaaaa] huhu..

Daydreaming lagi!

..hehe..

Just feels so scared now.

Will I made it through this Pro 2-exam?

Yikes!!!!!

My...owh my..time pass so fast. Just 2 minutes ago I opened my email and I found this:

MBBS Second Professional Examination

24 December 2010 – 30 December 2010

EXAMINATION SCHEDULE

Date	Time	Examination / Activity
24 Dec 2010 (Friday)	10.00 am – 12.00 noon (120 mins)	Modified Essay Question 1 (MEQ 1) (Venue: Examination Hall – Level 3, Main Campus)
27 Dec 2010 (Monday)	10.00 am – 11.20 pm (80 mins) 3.00pm to 4.20pm (80 mins)	Extended Matching Question (EMQ) (Venue: Examination Hall – Level 3, Main Campus) Single Best Answer Question 1 (SBAQ 1) (Venue: Examination Hall – Level 3, Main Campus)
28 Dec 2010 (Tuesday)	8.30am 11.00 am – 1.00 pm (120 mins)	Arrival & briefing to External Examiners Modified Essay Question 2 (MEQ 2) (Venue: Examination Hall – Level 3, Main Campus)
29 Dec 2010 (Wednesday)	10.00 am – 12.00 am (120 mins) 3.00 pm – 5.00 pm	Single Best Answer Question 2 (SBAQ 2) (Venue: Examination Hall – Level 3, Main Campus CPD Session – External Examiners
30 Dec 2010 (Thursday)	9.00 am – 10.30 am 11.00 am – 1.00 pm	Borderline Viva Clinical Examination Board Meeting ( Venue: Board Room, Main Campus, CUCMS) Lunch & farewell to external examiners
	2.00 pm	Faculty Meeting Senate Meeting Announcement of Final Results

I'm DEFINITELY scared to death!!!

Wishing I won't be needing 'borderline viva' session.

Please God, help me~