Cinta Tahajudku

"Ya Allah, bagiMu segala puji, Engkau penegak langit dan bumi dan alam semesta dengan segala isinya.
BagiMulah segala puji, Engkau raja penguasa langit dan bumi. BagiMu lah segala puji, pemancar
cahaya langit dan bumi. BagiMulah segala puji. Engkau yang hak dan janjiMu adalah benar, dan
perjumpaanMu itu adalah benar, firmanMu adalah benar, syurgaMu adalah benar, nerakaMu adalah
benar dan nabi-nabi adalah benar, dan Nabi Mohd saw adalah benar, dan hari Kiamat adalah
benar. Ya Allah kepadaMu lah kami berserah diri dan denganMu aku beriman, kepada Engkaulah
aku bertawakkal. Kepada Mu tempat kembali dan kepadaMu jua kami rindu dan kepadaMu jualah
kami berhukum. Ampunilah kami di atas segala kesalahan yang
kami lakukan, baik yang kami sembunyikan maupun yang kami nyatakan.
Engkaulah Tuhan yang terdahulu dan Yang terakhir, tiada Tuhan melainkan Engkau."

Just when I felt like giving up on us..

.... You turned around and gave me one last touch
That made everything feel better
And even then my eyes got wetter .....
So confused wanna ask you if you love me
But I don't wanna seem so weak

But, later.. "1 message" .. ..

Cane nak continue marah ni??? (-.-")

Fox Rain

Going from day to night,

you're all I think about..b!

(tipu je bluwekk :P)

Before you came along, I was just one of millions of lonely people in the world..

Dubirubiruraffa..

dubirubiruraffa......

dubirubiruraffa~~~....

It's a mixed feeling!

In memories of my great grandmother..we miss u..a lot. Al-Fatihah.

Syukur Alhamdulillah..

I'm officially not a medical student anymore.

Should I be happy? Or should I be afraid of the world out there?

Should I be sad being separated from my colleagues?

Should I be anxious..well, being a houseman isn't THAT easy..

For God sake, people do commit suicide due to THAT. ergh, scary.

Please God, let all my specialist be as kind and good in teaching and guide me to become a better doctor in future...amin...

But, whatever it is, I'm bless with all the support I got from my beloved parents..

If they are not here to support and pray for my success, I won't be Dr. Zahraa.

For all the encouraging words when I feel like quiting my studies..

For all the hard works to pay my tuition fees..

For EVERYTHING lah! :)

To my grandparents..

Nenek & Atok - Thank u for taking care of me through my first 3 years of life.

You fed me well! :)

Embah - Been there for me every single step..thank u so much.. :)

I'm thankful to my brothers help..if they aren't home, I won't be able to practise all my physical examination. Thanks bro kasi pinjam your 6 packs! haha. (haa..kembang semangkuk la budak2 ni)

Thanks to my colleagues, who's been there to help me through my studies, Haz & KI & Kak Paa.

They've been my discussion colleagues since Pro-2 exam pun lagi..hehe..

Mereka-reka all sort of crazy mnemonics to memorized..(last2 tak ingat jugak)

For being kind to me, belanja makan (hang habak ja menda apa yg za xmkn lg).

For giving me advice on every single thing..being there when I feel like fail-ing.

I pray that both of you (Haz & Ki) to be married couple SOON! AMIN....

As for you, Kak Paa, of course you'll be married to Shah SOON jugak!

As for my other colleagues;

Abe - :)

Nawal - Thanks gurl.. for everything!!!! muash!!

Kak Sarah - stay a hot singer oke? hehe..

Alin - bile nak karok bawak lagu Beyonce ni beb? hehehe..

Wani - sila lupakan abang bertuala sbelah rumah tu. :P

Kak Lin - lepas ni takleh peluk za ke bila za sedih? huhu..

and to all my friends who supported me through this WAR-ship..5 years of it..so hard.. :')

but we made it colleagues..we made it..!

and not forgotten...

yes...thanks to you... :)

Motivating myself

Feel so so so so so tired..haih..

Nevermind Zara..just a few days to go dear..u have to stay strong dear..

Show to others that you can do it..come on!!

Before whatever happens tomorrow, lets listen to Bruno Mars.

This song has nothing to do with anyone in my life..just a great voice to listen to.

Okey, I need to sleep early tonight..as a preparation for the next 'war' tomorrow.

Thanks to those people that has been supporting me all this while especially throughout these exam weeks. Right...pen off! :)

I think I deserve it.

Having a lunch break after discussion..with Alicia Keys..

Loving this song.. :)

"You give me a feeling that I never felt before

And I deserve it, I think I deserve it.."

True? :P

Yes! I think I deserve a long break after this final exam..

So..So...So..........!!

At this point of time..when I'm busy with my final exam..

I MISSSSSSSS baby Ehsan so so so so so so much!

Dear, when do I get to see you again?

:(

"Ours"

"Ours"

I'd like the sound of it.

I really do.

But, I.. .. ..

ah, dilemma!

"Organ Damage"

There's a reason why I said I would be happy alone..

It wasn't because I thought I'd be happy alone..

It was because I thought if I love someone,

and then it fell apart,

I might not make it.

It's easier to be alone.

Because what if you learn that you need love? ..and then, you don't have it.

What if you like it? ..and lean on it.

What if you shake your life around it? ..and then, it falls apart.

Can you even survive that kind of pain?

Losing love is like organ damage. It's like dying.

The only difference is..death ends. This (love pain), it could go on forever.

Like a 'Kain Pelekat'

I've been waiting so long to release this exam induced stress~!!!!!

Nasibla ada cuti 3 hari last weekend..ngeheee~

Thanks Uyun for the shawl. :)

Are you ready girls?? Lets camwhore! hahahaha. Seriously..it works to release stress! :P

Okay, you can stop now. Rasa nak muntah tak? keke. takpe, sila2...tak kisah pun. ekeke.

Okeh, sambung bertungkus lumus untuk exam!!! Chaiyokkkk!!! Go Dr. Zara!!!! Eh, go zara!! Belum Dr lagi.. hehe *tssskkkk!* Lamanye lagi...masa macam bergerak lambat je ni.. Aigooo~

My heart is like a loudspeaker

"Sometimes all it takes is one voice".

Sometimes when my lecturers or supervisor scolded me,

I feel de-motivated.

But, I tried the best to control my fears,

and improve whats' left of me.

I learn to pick myself up,

when there's no one around.

Continue what I've started,

and keep smiling at them.

I tried hard to show them that I'm good enough.

And I'm capable enough to be a great doctor.

Cause nothing is worst than 'giving-up'.

Especially when the success that you dream of is just a feet away.

Every morning I wake up..

I took a minute to smile cause..

Every heart break makes your heart break a little, tear a little, die a little, but stronger a lot.

May your wish come true..

Happy birthday to whom ever is celebrating it today..

Good DAY comes good food and tummy!

I ate a lot today!!!!!!!

breakfast: sleepy (so, malas nak makan)

lunch: kentuki

minum petang: keropok lekor

dinner: sate willi + sup gearbox + chocolate cheese cake

supper: bubur durian + durian + pulut

sahur esok pagi: bubur ayam special

and my tummy says, "okay, go ahead..i owe u~". So, happy lah!!! Semua kerna jasa baik rakan2 dan mak rakan2 yang saya amat cintai [dan-dan je nak sayang bila dapat makan pree kan?]. haha. *awful nya saye ni!*

And, so have a good night sleep darlings~!! Sleep tide! owh, and yes, I'm wearing Hana Tajima shawl style. Effortless. Owh si bantal peluk, mari mari mari~~~melaksanakan rutin harian yang paling disukai!!!! hehehe.. Salam.. :)

My sweet pea!

It takes less than 24 hours to miss you like crazy my dear sweet pea Ehsan! Owh, he's now 8 months old yesterday! yeayyyy~

Si comot makan bubur.

si tembam yang suka geget hidung Kak Zala. haha. Geli oke Ehsan! You made me laugh and tickles every time you did that baby!

The night I came, he was febrile [fever] so he was VERY VERY manja~! Bergesel-gesel kat saya. But, I like it! Cute baby boo.. owh, I definitely miss you more now.. :)

The things that made my day

1. A good hair day!
2. No pimples.
3. Laps of swimming.
4. Walking and working with a nice comfortable shoes on.
5. No eye bags - looking like a zombie and not being criticized by colleagues because of that.
6. Having a nice chat with brothers.
7. When I can answer and explain to patient clearly about anything and they understood well.
8. No screaming or nagging specialist around the ward.
9. Patients' laughter and naughtiness especially when you are in paediatric ward like us!
10. When even a small cute little sick patient with eye puffiness sings for you!! :)

Get it right

What have I done
I wish I could run away from this ship going under
Just trying to help
Hurt everyone else
Now I feel the weight of the world is, on my shoulders

What can you do when your good isn't good enough
And all that you touch tumbles down
Cause my best intentions
Keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many times will it take?
Oh how many times will it take for me
To get it right
To get it right

Can I start again
With my faith shaken,
Cause I can't go back and undo this
I just have to stay
And face my mistakes

But if I get stronger and wiser, I'll get through this

What can you do when your good isn't good enough
And all that you touch tumbles down
Cause my best intentions
Keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many times will it take?
Oh how many times will it take for me
To get it right

So I throw up my fist
Throw a punch in the air
And accept the truth
That sometimes life isn't fair

I'll send out a wish and I'll send out a prayer
And finally someone will see
How much I care

yup, I guess i miss someone. a lot.

What ever you wanna say..or you wanna judge, it's up to you.

But I can't accept anyone when I'm deeply in love with someone else.

That's just not right. Seriously, I can't. Hopefully you will understand.

Even if anyone said, it was JUST a 'cinta monyet', I still disagree.

It was more than that.

It was......real.

so-called "hari perempuan"

Assamualaikum~! Tak jawab dosa, jawab sayaaaaaaan-g!

How are you? I'm feeling a little old but vogue. haha. Miss me?

*wink wink*

Soooo sorry for not updating this beautiful blog. Sibuk be oi~! Bukan stakat study and famili [seriusly jadi anak pertama is sometimes a disaster!] jerr.. Ni kene berjihad di bawah bumbung college ni yg dok bingung kpala. Seriously, bad people do bad things without thinking the consequences! Yup dear Mr. President, I learn from you. Well, you and konco2 you. But, I'm pretending to be cool cause you absolutely have like...less than 48 hours to act? Ops, after that, talk to our lawyers ye? Owh, rasa macam cool cakap macam tu. haha.

Anyway, thumbs up colleagues! Because of you guys, I gain NEW life experience.

Oke, chill lah. I tak nak emo2 pun. Saje nak release tensi skek.

Chill keyh?

Anyway, after the "D-DAY", which is womens' day [thanks to those who wish me], we had a nice some sort of picnic in front of Palace of Justice. It was a windy night, with pizza and fried chicken, we celebrated 3 most amazing ladies in our batch [sama umur tak? jeng jeng jeng!]. hehe. It was a great gathering..giler dah lama tak gather like a big group oke. Even though, tak semua ada, but I enjoyed!

Owh, tak lupa juga 'mamat blakang tabir' - si Abe. Takut sangat masuk dlm gambar. Bini tak marah nye kar ramai2 ni. huhu. Habis nanti Abe dah kahwin, takle arrr kuar di bawah sinaran lampu minyak tanah ngan kitorang lagi? keke! ~~~siannn~~~ :P

Kat obersea college student picnic camni siang2, kat Mesia, picnic malam2 la. Kalau siang, hah terbakar la gitu dehh~!

Birthday ladies; Shawa, Roi, Naddy!

Awesome friends..luv yah!

To Naddy, stay happy okey? You wanna be hotty, you gotta be happy! [hahhaa freaking pelik okeh peribahasa ni! kekeke~] Nah, amik your new motto. Just create it like...less than 2 seconds ago. ngahaaa~~

Me & Nawal. To our stalker, Miss-whoever-you-are, "karma kan? The wheels turn bebeh!" *keching!* kekeke..sorry, just have to let it out jugak. I dah lama pendam nak cakap macam tu. [waited so long for a green light from Nawal] hehe~ Whatever it is, please enjoy your Womens' Day lady..

Good news, I got Delliloh! [my sweet new little lappy] Hiro sudah dihantar pulang ke rumah, kene admit ward for several weeks - Palliative care. hehe. Just playing with my Delliloh webcam..

Boleh tahan jugak kualiti gambar Delliloh ni..not bad~~i loike!

Anyway, Raya lama lagi, tapi mehla beli sariiiiiiiiiii~! hehe.. :P Murah and berkualiti oke. Dijamin halal!

Thought I feel nothing.

Some of us really really need some space..after a broken heart. Not that I said I don't managed to recover..but, not that fast. It hurts at first, but as time passes by, made myself busy and living like no one knows, it doesn't feel as hurtful as it was in the first place. It's hard. But, luckily I made it. Just last night, I was oncall, when I found an invitation card for a wedding. The groom name was the same, even the 'Bin to-' pun sama. Then, I saw those address, well, nearby his and hers. I was crush for a moment. Terduduk! Think I was asystole for a moment. Stop breathing. Even though, tuh sebenarnya orang lain kan. For a moment, I thought "Haven't I get over it yet?". I thought I'm fine..I thought I've moved on. Am I lying to myself? I take a long road to be here.. It's a long ride.. I don't want myself to 'drown' again. Selfish me. So, I walk and walk. "I learn to live, half alive.." As I'm walking, ada je incident yang seakan-akan menyebabkan jantung hampir pecah. Owh..there's so much to say, but I can't put it into words. So, if you've heard this song, the lyrics really tells about me. About my feelings [most of it]. Tiada kaitan samada yang hidup atau yang meninggal yer. I guess this is how I expressed myself. Through songs. I don't meant to hurt anyone..but I do this for myself. So, lets enjoy this song.. :)

Need you now..

I'm loving this song..

:)

especially this part of the song;

"And I wonder if I ever cross your mind..for me it happens all the time"

Need You Now lyrics found at elyricsworld.com